Sure, I wrote some blogs. Ones about online finds and new furniture and decorating, and sure I enjoy that stuff. It's what 90% of the blogs I read are about. But I had, am having, a really rough time figuring out what I sound like. What is my voice? How do I normally speak to people? What do I talk about? When I had read back what I wrote it didn't sound like me at all. It sounded like me trying to sound like dozens of other bloggers. I couldn't find my own voice to write about things that weren't related to my family. Surely I hadn't been that over-taken by mommyhood had I? Then I realized that I have no idea who I am outside of a mother and wife anymore. I use to be able to hold conversations about things other than my spawn, I remember having them, but for the life of me I can not remember what I talked about.
|Me at seventeen at my baby shower for Rowyn.|
My oldest daughter just turned three last Sunday. I got pregnant when I was sixteen and had her when I was seventeen. All of my friends went off and lived their lives as normal college students and I got married and bought a house. Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I love my kids. I love my husband. I would not change a single thing about how my life turned out. It's just that when all of those friends left to go start their college years and making new friends I was busy learning to be a mother. Life became a lot less about me and a lot more about my children and when I made that transition I lost a lot of who I am as a person. I lost my spice.
It is now my mission to put some more effort into finding out who I am and what my voice is. Not my 16 year old voice and not the voice of other people who already know who they are. The last time I posted I made resolutions for the new year and now more than ever I am determined to carry them out. I am about to make 2013 my b!tch.